


I Can't Keep Calm

by winchesters_favorite_girl



Category: Supernatural
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-05
Updated: 2019-06-04
Packaged: 2020-04-08 01:57:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 10,238
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19097419
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/winchesters_favorite_girl/pseuds/winchesters_favorite_girl
Summary: Sam and Dean have a rough time adjusting to life with their mother and younger half sister. The reader decides her time with Sam and Dean is over and decides now is the time to rescue her twin, Adam, from the cage.





	1. I Can't Keep Calm

You held the gun steady in front of you, the moment you walked into the bunker you knew something was off. Sam and Cas had returned to the bunker after Dean had died saving the world; you on the other hand had taken your time coming home. You needed time to process that you lost another brother to saving the world. First your twin brother, Adam, now Dean. However when you got back to the bunker you were greeted by the sight of a woman pointing a gun at Cas.

“Put the gun down. Now.” You said as you approached the woman, your gun aimed at her, but it was like you took a punch to the gut when you realized the woman in front of you was none other than Mary Winchester.

“Where is Sam?” Cas questioned, glaring at the woman.

“What do you mean where is Sam?” You asked Cas; he didn’t answer, he just nodded towards the floor. Your eyes followed the blood that was spilled on the floor.

You felt anger spark within yourself, first Adam, then Dean, now Sam? Not happening. You walked up to Mary and held the gun up to her head, “You really don’t wanna test me bitch. You might be wearing Mary Winchester, but that doesn’t mean anything to me. Now, where is Sam?” You spoke, she remained silent which only angered you further, “WHERE IS MY BROTHER?” You shouted at her, pushing the gun harder into her head.

Cas began to approach Mary as well, tired of her silence as well, but you were all interrupted by a voice shouting “Woh! Everybody calm down!”

“Dean?” You whispered to yourself, turning your head to look at where you thought you heard your dead brother’s voice. Mary took advantage of your distraction and grabbed your hand that was holding the gun and twisted it, resulting in you dropping the gun. You instantly thought this was a set up, they were using Dean’s voice as a distraction. Thinking fast you elbowed Mary in the face, then turned, wrapping your arm around her neck, preparing yourself to break her neck if these people didn’t bring back Sam and leave.

“Woh, woh Y/N! Calm down!” You heard Dean’s voice say, you looked over and saw Dean standing next to Cas, his arms out in a “settle down” manner. You looked over as Cas confused, Dean was dead, why wasn’t Cas doing anything.

“It’s Dean Y/N.” Cas said with a smile on his face. You smiled, but kept your strong grip around Mary.

“That’s great, but, what is she doing and why is she trying to kill us?” You asked.

“I’ll explain that,” Dean told you, “But first, let her go. She’s with me.” You did as he said and ran over to Dean, hugging him tightly.

“You’re supposed to be dead.” You said into his chest. You felt Dean’s chest rumble as he chuckled.

“I’m too hard to kill.” He replied, planting a kiss on your head.

“Why’s Mary back?” You asked Dean, pulling away from him to look at his mother.

“Oh um, Amara brought her back.” Dean informed you while scratching the back of his head.

“What?” You exclaimed, whipping your head at him, “What the hell happened there?”

“It’s a long story, I’ll explain sometime but for now, where’s Sam?” Dean questioned.

“I don’t know, I just walked into this mess. Sam and Cas came back while I was at Adam and my mom’s memorial.” You told him as your voice got smaller. You had created the memorial not far from the bunker, you made it so you could always go back to it whenever you wanted to feel close to your lost family members. You had even put a small plaque there for John.

Dean gave you a sad smile and squeezed your shoulder in comfort. Cas explained what happened when him and Sam had returned to the bunker. You and Dean had the same idea of searching the traffic cameras to find a lead. This led you to finding the person who drove the woman you dubbed “the crazy British chick” which then led you to a vet’s office.

Dean was making calls while Cas was getting everyone coffee, leaving you and Mary alone for the first time. To call it awkward was an understatement. You hadn’t talked much after you had nearly killed each other.

“So…Who are you exactly?” Mary asked you, breaking the silence.

You looked around for a moment, trying to decide what to say. I’m the illegitimate daughter of your husband and a woman he slept with, got pregnant with twins, then continued to bounce in and out of their lives until he died. Yeah, that’ll go well. “I’m Sam and Dean’s sister.” You said with a small smile.

Mary’s face turned into confusion, “Their sister?” She repeated.

“Yeah, um, Dad, John, met my mom when he got injured on a hunt. He was only around for a week before he left for another hunt. We didn’t hear from him until I was 13, and that’s only because my brother wouldn’t stop begging my mom to call him so we could meet him.” You told her.

“Your brother?” She asked.

“Um, yeah. I had a twin brother, Adam, but he died a few years ago. That’s a whole story that I think would be best for Sam and Dean to tell you though.” You replied while fiddling with the hem of your shirt.

“Oh John, what did you do with your life?” Mary asked herself while running her hands through her hair. However this didn’t sit well with you.

“What do you mean by that?” You asked her with a tone of offense in your voice.

Mary looked at you with a sad face, “He raised my sons to be hunters, something I never wanted. He had children with someone else, bringing you and your brother into this life as well. Which, apparently led to the death of your brother and I’m assuming your mother if you’re here and not with her.”

You knew Mary wasn’t trying to be mean, but it was obvious that neither of you were comfortable with the other.

“Don’t assume you know anything about my family. You’ve been gone, because of a deal you made which signed your sons up to be in this life. Whether you wanted them in this life or not you put them in it.” You told her while standing up, “By doing this you put me, my brother, and my mother where we are now. So don’t be a bitch to me over what you’ve done.” You said while walking away.

“Woh, what’s going on?” Dean asked, grabbing onto your arm as he returned with Cas.

“Nothing. Just having a discussion with your mother.” You said, ripping your arm out of Dean’s grasp and walking away to grab yourself a hot chocolate.

Dean looked at you in shock, you’ve been with them for five years and in all that time you’ve never talked to him like that or walked away.

“Cas,” Dean spoke as he placed the coffees on the table, “Let’s talk to her, we’ll be right back Mom.” 

Cas and Dean walked over to the bench you were sitting on and they each sat down on either side of you.

“Talk.” Dean said, bumping into your arm.

“Nothing to say Dean.” You replied, taking a sip of your hot chocolate.

“I sense tension.” Cas spoke aloud to no one. You couldn’t help but break into a small smile over the innocent angel’s comment.

“Me too. So talk.” Dean replied in a serious voice.

“It’s nothing guys, Mary just…Doesn’t approve of John having a daughter and another son that aren’t hers.” You told them.

“Well, yeah.” Dean responded.

You turned your head to look at him, “Excuse me?” You asked him.

“You can’t take it personally Y/N, the last thing she remembers was living her apple pie life and then it all burning in front of her, literally.” Dean told you.

“I get that Dean, but she doesn’t have to a be bitch about it. If my mom had come back she wouldn’t be like this.” You informed him.

You and Dean glared at each other for a moment, this was the first time you’d ever gotten into an argument; and it was over the touchiest of subjects, your mothers.

“Is that what this is about? Cause my mom is back but yours isn’t?” Dean asked.

You looked at him confused, “No, of course not. It’s about how your mom is-” You started but were interrupted by Dean.

“Cause my mom is back, and yours isn’t. So just deal with it.” Dean said dismissing you while standing up. Only you weren’t going to take that, Dean had made this personal and twisted it into something it wasn’t.

You stood up too and grabbed Dean so he was looking at you, “No, this isn’t about my mother not being here. Which is complete crap because she had nothing to do with this life. She was dragged into it due to our father who was. Same with Adam. Hell, same with me. I was a normal college kid who was traveling abroad when I get a call from you telling me my family is dead and that I need to get back to the U.S. immediately. Then you tell me about monsters and angels. My mom and Adam didn’t deserve this. So if anyone should have gotten brought back it should have been them. Especially Adam, or have you forgotten that he’s still in the cage with Michael!” You shouted at him.

“We don’t have time for this.” Dean said, trying to walk away. “And you haven’t done much to try to get Adam out either, so don’t point fingers.”

You walked up to him and shoved him, “You’re right, we don’t have time for this. We’re gonna go save Sam and then I’m leaving.” You told him before walking away, however you turned around, “And I have tried saving Adam. I’ve tried to make deals with Crowley, Rowena, anyone. I’ve tried everything to get my brother out.”

You angrily wiped a tear away and began to leave but stopped yourself again, “Everyone was right. When it comes to Sam and Dean all they care about is themselves. Now that Mary’s back it’s all about Mary, Sam, and Dean…The Winchester’s.” You looked at Cas, “You better watch out Cas, cause if blood doesn’t mean anything to them they’ll just leave you behind next.” You turned and walked away.

Cas and Dean stared at your retreating figure. Cas was shocked whereas Dean didn’t know what he was feeling. He was surprised, scared, worried, all rolled up into one emotion.

What the hell just happened and how did he just lose his sister?


	2. I Am Calm

You stared wide eyed at the spot Dean had literally just disappeared on. One minute you guys were giving each other the silent treatment; something that had been occurring since your argument near the vet’s office, when all of a sudden the ground lit up and Dean vanished.

You looked at the symbol on the ground and groaned aloud. You whipped out your cell phone, scrolled to Cas’s number on your phone and hit the call button.

“Y/N?” Cas’s gruff voice asked you.

“Yeah Cas, um, Dean got zapped away by from symbol on the ground. I’m pretty sure I’m gonna have to go on it to save his stupid face so…just a head’s up.” You told him.

“This does not sound like a very thought out plan.” Cas responded.

“Yeah well, it’s the only way in. Just, be on the lookout and-” You let out a sigh, “Don’t let anything happen to Mary, okay? Dean wouldn’t be able to handle anything happening to her.”

“He would not be able to handle something happening to you either Y/N.” Cas told you.

“Yeah, whatever.” You mumbled to yourself, “Bye Cas, see you soon.” You hung up the phone, “I hope.”

Taking a deep breath you looked at the sigil on the ground, “This is bull shit.” You said to yourself before stepping onto the symbol and being transported into the house.

 

You hadn’t even realized you had your eyes squeezed shut until you felt yourself unclench and look around. You didn’t see anybody, good, you thought to yourself, this made it easier to check the place out. You cleared the first floor before hearing a noise coming from what you assumed was the basement.

You rounded the corner and pressed yourself up against the wall as you heard someone coming up the stairs. You knew it wasn’t your brothers; when they walked it sounded like elephants, these steps were light, someone your size.

The steps faded away and you took this as your cue to make your way to the basement. You managed to open and shut the door without making a sound, you took the stairs quietly too, just in case someone was located down there.

However you were met with the surprised faces of your brothers. Sam was tied down to a chair, looking very beat up, whereas Dean was chained while standing and bleeding from his mouth.

“Y/N?” Sam asked. You smiled back at him and rushed over before awkwardly hugging him while he was sitting.

“Glad to see me?” You teased, taking a closer look at his injuries then glancing over the locks he had on. You needed to get him out of the locks. Taking a deep breath you faced Dean and took in his injuries, ensuring yourself that he was okay. You walked over to him and grabbed the chains he was locked to, observing locks, trying to determine if you could pick them or not.

You didn’t say a word to Dean or look him in the eye but he was staring you down with a sad expression on his face.

“Y/N…” Dean started.

“Don’t.” You replied harshly. You were still upset with him and were planning on leaving once you were all out of this. The days at the bunker while Cas was checking out leads on Sam’s location had been awkward, silent, and proved to you that with Mary back there wasn’t any place for you in the family.

You whipped out your lock pick and turned towards Sam, “I’m gonna get Dean out first, that way he can help get you out faster.” You told him then quickly got started on helping Dean.

“Sounds good to me.” Sam chuckled, he was relieved that his siblings were there to help him but he could see the tension between them. “Took you long enough to find me.” Sam joked, trying to ease the tension.

You glanced over at Sam with a soft smile on your face, “My bad Sammy.” You looked at Dean and your face got hard, “I’d never leave my family behind though. You know that.”

Dean rolled his eyes at your comment, “Y/N, come on you know tha-” Dean began but was interrupted when the basement door opened. You shot each other a look before you quickly grabbed your gun and hid.

You watched as a woman made her way towards Dean with a blade. As mad as you were with Dean you weren’t going to allow her to hurt him; that was your job. You walked out pointing your gun at her, a smug smile on your face.

The woman in front of you slowed her movements as she saw you but a smile grew on her face as she recognized who you were, “Why, if it isn’t Y/N Milligan-Winchester.” She stated in a British accent.

“I don’t know who you are, but you’re gonna let my brothers out and we’re going to leave.” You said with a snarl, your gun following her as she moved.

She sliced her hand on glass and looked at you, “Actually, you won’t be.” She moved her hands up and moved them in a closing manner, while doing so you felt as though someone was choking you.

You looked over to Sam with wide eyes, trying to hold your gun steady you attempted to take a shot at her that she easily dodged.

“What the hell are you doing to her you bitch?” Dean demanded.

You dropped your gun and put your hands to your neck, trying to get whatever was cutting off your air supply off of your neck. You looked up at Dean with frantic eyes; you attempted to say something to him but all that came out was a gasping noise.

Next thing you knew, you had lost consciousness.

You woke up to Dean shaking you lightly while he was pointing his gun at the woman, but now Cas and a man were standing there as well. Sam and Mary were standing behind Dean.

“Get off me.” You said, shaking him off of your arm. Dean let go of you and rose to his full height, still aiming his gun at the woman. Sam wobbled over to you and tried to help you up. Once you were standing you moved so that Sam could lean on you, it was obvious that he was hurting.

“Trouble in the family?” The British woman asked with a cocky grin.

“None of your business bitch.” Dean replied, “I’m the one with the gun, remember?”

“Has Y/N realized with Mary here there’s no space for her with you and Samuel? And since her mother and twin are dead she’s all alone now, isn’t she?” The woman continued.

“She the hell up.” Dean gritted out.

“All right, let’s all just, settle down.” The man spoke out. He gave a speech about Toni going too far and how she will be punished and dealt with in England. Dean tried to get his revenge on her, but it was obvious it wasn’t going to happen. Even weirder they wanted to work with your family. They left and you all let out a breath.

You turned to Sam and embraced him in the biggest hug possible which he happily returned. The group left the house; Sam, Dean, and Mary headed towards the impala but you stood in the middle of the road.

You weren’t going to go with them.

You had saved Sam.

You had to save Adam.

Plus, there was no room for you with Sam and Dean anymore.

You turned towards Cas, “Hey Cas, can I have a ride?” You asked him.

A saddened look came on Cas’s face as he turned towards Sam and Dean, Sam was confused and Dean looked guilty. 

“Are you sure you do not want to ride with your brothers?” Cas confirmed.

You looked at your brothers and gave them a sad smile, tears began to form in your eyes as you said, “I’m sure.”

“Y/N, what are you-” Sam began but Dean interrupted.

“You can’t go Y/N. I know I pissed you off, but you can’t just leave us.” Dean told you.

“I’m just leaving you before you guys can leave me.” You said in a small voice but loud enough for them to hear you. “Bye guys.” You told them, turning away, “I love you.”

You walked over to Cas and got into his car, “Don’t you need your belongings?” He asked you.

“Can you get them for me sometime and just drop them off?” You begged, not trying to hide the tears that were falling down your face now.

“Y/N, it’s obvious that you don’t-” Cas said.

“Cas. Please don’t.” You were holding back sobs at this point. “Please just drive.”

After an hour on the road Cas picked up the conversation again, “What are you going to do now Y/N?”

You chewed on the inside of your lip as you realized the danger of your plan.

“I’m going to save my brother from the cage.”


	3. Be Calm

Cas ended up dropping you off at a motel about twenty miles away from the bunker; promising to return with your stuff soon. However Cas was not the one to show up at your motel door the next morning, a very sad Sam was. You debated shutting the door for moment when you saw him but decided against it, he wasn’t involved in the fight.

“I’m not coming back so if that’s all you came here to do you might as well leave.” You said to him, turning around and sitting on the bed.

“I’m not, well I do want you to come home, but I brought you some of your stuff and I just wanted to talk. Maybe hear your side of everything?” Sam told you, placing your green duffle on the floor next to the table.

“Okay, what do you wanna hear?” You asked Sam, picking at the scratchy motel blanket.

Sam sat down on the bed, crossing his legs and facing you, “Tell me what happened with you and Dean while I was gone. You guys never fight, then all of a sudden he comes back from being dead, you guys aren’t talking, then you leave.”

You let out a sigh, “I don’t know why you’re asking me, I’m sure that Dean, Cas, and Mary already filled you what happened,” You said, rolling your eyes.

“They did, but I wanna hear your view.” Sam spoke with a smile.

So you told him. about how Mary wasn’t too happy about John having two children that weren’t hers, how Dean reacted to you voicing your feelings about it. When you retold the story you realized how much of it was a misunderstanding it was, but you were dead set on your ways.

After a few more minutes of talking with Sam a silence overtook the room that Sam broke, “You know, Cas told us you’re gonna try to get Adam from the cage.” He said in a quiet voice, he looked up at you and gave you the classic puppy dog eyes, “I know you want him back, but if you’re gonna try to do this you’re gonna need me and Dean.”

You knew he didn’t mean any harm in the statement, but something about him saying this rubbed you the wrong way, “What? You don’t think I’m capable of saving my brother myself?” You asked in an angry tone.

Sam immediately shook his head, “No. I didn’t mean it like that Y/N, you know that. This is the cage we’re talking about. It’s going to take time to figure out how to get him out. We’re gonna have to plan and it’ll be easier if we work on this together.” Sam told you.

“Yeah, cause you guys have been real eager in the past. It’s been almost seven years Sam! My twin has been in hell, for seven years! I shouldn’t have waited this long before making this my number one priority! I let you and Dean get into my head and make you guys the most important in my life and I’m done with that! I’ve never been a priority in your life and with Mary around I’m sure as hell won’t become one. So I need to focus on the family I have left. I need to get Adam.” You shouted at Sam.

“Y/N, you know that’s not true.” Sam said in his typical caring voice.

“Yeah Sam, it kinda is. You can go now.” You stated, trying to end the conversation.

“Y/N, you’ve always been a priority to us. I don’t understand how you could think that-” Sam pleaded but you wouldn’t let him finish.

“Right. Like how when you guys dragged me back to the US after my mom and Adam died then just left me to bury them by myself. You guys never contacted me again until you knew Michael was looking for a vessel and that once he brought Adam back I’d be the only one to talk him outta saying yes. Look what good that did. How about how Dean ignored me for a year when you were running around soulless and he was living his apple pie life, huh? He just didn’t want to deal with having a lost and confused little sister, so he ignored me. We could also talk about how when you guys did take me in you always left me in that cabin in the middle of no where? A personal favorite of mine was how one day you guys left to kill Dick then didn’t come back for a year? Dean was in purgatory but you Sam, you just abandoned me. God then you tried to do it again with the trials and even then, Dean was the one who talked you out of them. When I tried you made me leave. Dean got the mark and ignored my existence; Jesus even when he died he ignored me. He simply looked at you and said he was proud of what you guys had accomplished. Then when he was off gallivanting around with Crowley it was your turn to ignore me. The closest you guys ever made towards making me a priority was when Lucifer was in the bunker because you were worried he’d ask me to be a vessel! So don’t you dare ever say you guys made me a priority when it’s a lie.” You finished, wiping away an angry tear.

Sam looked at you with a devastated face, “Y/N, I-I.” Sam tried to speak but couldn’t, there wasn’t anything he could reply because you were right. A tear fell from Sam’s eye and you knew that everything you just said was right. They never did place you first. They never would.

“Please just leave Sam. Go be with Dean. Go be with your Mom. Go be with your real family.” You told him while opening the door. He got up from the bed and moved to hug you but you flinched back.

“Call us if you decide to do anything. We’ll be there.” Sam told you as he walked out the door.

“Doubtful.” You replied before slamming the door shut. You turned your back to it, sat down, and allowed yourself to grieve the loss of the family you had left. This was the start of you being alone, you kept telling yourself. You would be okay. You could do this.


	4. Stay Calm

It’s been three weeks since your conversation with Sam. After he left you didn’t spend much time in the motel, there was no point. Your brothers weren’t going to come for you and Cas wasn’t going to choose you over your brothers, so you hot wired a car left. You drove around aimlessly for about a week before deciding it was time to get yourself together and start working on getting Adam out of the cage.

In the past you had talked to Rowena, Crowley, and even prayed to Lucifer himself about getting Adam out of the cage but they all looked at you as if you were nothing more then the Winchester’s incapable little sister. You decided it was time to prove them wrong. In all the time you’ve spent with your brothers you had picked up a few tricks; they rarely took you on hunts but that didn’t mean they never trained you. Dean taught you how to shoot anything, including the grenade launcher one time, but you weren’t supposed to tell Sam about that. Both of them had trained you to fight hand to hand and Sam showed you how to hack into everything. Your brothers gave you many skills; that combined with the wealth of information you had learned from your time in the bunker, made you dangerous.

Everyone underestimated you, something that you decided to use to your advantage.

You stood in the middle of your motel room in Iowa, everything was prepared. Taking a deep breath you dropped the match into the bowl and waited.

“Well, this is surprising.” A British voice said from behind you. Rolling your eyes you turned to face him, “Little Winchester, I gotta say I wasn’t expecting this.”

“My last name is Milligan, not Winchester. I need your help.” You told Crowley, getting straight to business.

“What could you possibly need my help with? Last I heard you had left your brothers for a normal life.” Crowley responded with little enthusiasm, you knew it was an act, he loved to be in the middle of the Winchester family business.

“Is that what they told you?” You let out a chuckle, “No. I’m not out. I want in. I want to get Adam out of the cage and you’re going to help me do this.” Crowley raised his eyebrow at you and tried to step forward but he couldn’t due to the devil’s trap you had placed on the floor.

“I see you learned a thing or two from your two bone head brothers.” Crowley said.

“And thensome.” You replied with a smirk on your face.

“I told you before Little Winchester,” Crowley said, trying to aggravate you, “I can’t help you.”

“No.” You responded, “You can’t...But your mother can and you are going to tell me where she is.” You told him confidently.

“And why would I do that again?” He asked, intrigued by how you seemed less like yourself and more, well, Winchester. There was a new sense of fearlessness about you.

“Cause I wanna make a deal.” You replied.

 

“Hello Mother.” Crowley said to Rowena as he walked around the corner of the classy hotel hallway.

“Fergus.” She replied, eyeing you as you turned the corner as well, “What could you and the wee Winchester want?”

“I have a slight favor to ask.” He responded, “Y/N?”

You stepped towards the witch, “It’s Milligan, not Winchester.” You told her with a smirk.

She gave you a curious smile, “Well Y/N Milligan, it seems that some time away from your brothers has done you some good. You’re not the shy lass you used to be.”

“I’m not.” You said in a strong voice, “I need you to find and summon somebody for me.”

“And why would I do that?” She replied, “I’m sure Fergus knows where your brothers are, if not you could always call them. When I saw them last week they were searching for ye.”

“They aren’t who I’m looking for.” You told her.

“Aye? Who are you looking for then?” She replied.

“Lucifer.” You stated.

“Lucifer?” Rowena repeated in a low tone at the same time Crowley shrieked Lucifer’s name.

“Yes. Lucifer.” You said, looking between the two of them.

“You never said it was Lucifer!” Crowley shrieked in a panicked tone.

“I never told you who it was.” You retorted.

“Why are you even helping her in the first place?” Rowena asked.

Crowley let out a sigh, “We made a deal. I help her find you and once she finishes whatever task she’s out for then she’s mine.”

“What do you mean she’s yours?” Rowena said in a curious tone.

“I’m a chew toy for a hell hound, spend a few years in hell until I get twisty and demonized, then I’m his personal demon puppet.” You stated in a detached tone.

Rowena let out a scoff, “Yer brothers will never allow this.”

“They don’t know,” You replied, “And by the time they find out it’ll be too late.”

“Why would I want to do track his whereabouts?” She asked in an amused voice, “I did destroy his vessel and send him away. The bloody devil wants me dead. I’m not going to summon him. Why would I do this for you?”

“Because I happen to know of a very special book that resides in the Men of Letters bunker. One nearly as valuable as the codex you love so much.” You told her, “It has the locations of every coven known by the Men of Letters from the time they began tracking them, until it was disbanded by Abbadon.” You told her.

“And why would I want this?” She responded.

“Because, if you go to these locations there are chances you will find other sources of power. Including where the tome of the leading witch of the Grand Coven during the Salem trials is. You know the tome I’m speaking about, the one that contains the spells and knowledge of every witch during that time, the one that contains all that data because they feared they might be wiped out and wanted to ensure something was left behind.” You told her with a knowing grin, she wanted that tome and would do whatever you wanted for her to get it.

“How would I get this book if it’s in the Men of Letters bunker?” She asked.

“I’ll get it for you. I’ll call you when the time comes, you’ll come to where I am, get the book, summon Lucifer, and you’ll leave.” You stated.

“Just like that?” She scoffed.

“Just like that. Do we have a deal?” You asked.

“Deal.”

 

“I’’ll grab the book, you set up for summoning Lucifer. Crowley will be here soon. Then we can get the ball rolling.” You said to Rowena before peaking around the corner in the Bunker’s garage to check that the impala was gone. Confirming that baby was gone and that your brothers were likely gone as well you made you way to the Bunker’s door. You told Rowena to set up in the library while you quickly made your way towards the dungeon where you had stashed the book.

You grabbed the book and left the dungeon, checking your phone you saw it would be a few more minutes before Crowley would arrive and before Rowena would be ready. So you decided to go into your room, you didn’t need anything, if your plan to get Adam out worked like it was supposed to then you wouldn’t be coming back here.

The door to your room was already cracked when you got there, pushing it open you were surprised to see that some things around it had changed. There were different books along with Dean’s iPod with his headphones were on your nightstand. There was also a pair of Dean’s shoes on the ground and it looked like someone had been sleeping in your bed.

“He always ends up in here every night.” Sam’s voice said from behind you. You jumped slightly and turned towards him, “He usually tries to fall asleep in his room but comes in here when he can’t.” He told you with a sad smile.

You gave Sam a confused look before turning back to your bed, “Why does he sleep in here?” You asked him.

“Because he misses you Y/N. We both do.” Sam spoke sadly, “You know you can come back.”

“What would Mary say about that?” You snarked.

Sam awkwardly scratched the back of his head before saying, “She’s not here anymore, she left.”

“Oh, that’s why you’re okay with me coming back, because your mom left.” You stated, glaring at him.

“No, we never wanted you to leave.” Sam said, trying to get through to you.

“Sam just stop, I’m not coming-” You started but were interrupted by Dean.

“Sam! Library! Now!” Dean shouted.

“Shit.” You whispered.

“What’s going on?” Sam asked you but you just ran to the library, Sam close behind.

“Ah Moose! You’re here too, now it’s a real party.” Crowley said looking at Sam.

Rowena stood at the library table with her candles burning and a bowl full of ingredients for the spell, all she need to was say the words and light the match into the bowl. Crowley stood next to her, observing what she had done while Dean stood off to the side, gun by his side, confused at what he walked into.

“Y/N?” Dean questioned as you walked to the table.

Ignoring him you stood next to Rowena, “Ready?” You questioned; she nodded her head.

“Ready for what?” Dean asked, looking at Sam.

“I don’t know, I came up from the gym to find Y/N in her room. I didn’t realize she brought them.” Sam said signaling towards Crowley and Rowena.

“Do it.” You told Rowena.

“Do what?” Sam and Dean persisted at the same time. Rowena ignored them as she began the incantation.

“You boys are going to love this.” Crowley said with a smirk. Rowena dropped the match into the bowl causing a spark and then smoke to rise.

It was silent for a moment as the smoke began to clear.

“Well, well, well. I never thought this would happen again.” A voice said from behind Sam and Dean. Your brothers quickly turned and were met by the sight of Lucifer in the rock stars decaying body. They both jumped and moved back from the devil, pulling out their guns as a sense of comfort.

 

“Y/N! What the hell?” Dean shouted.

You turned towards Rowena and handed her the book, “Remember the rest of our agreement.” Nodding her head Rowena took the book and left.

“Why does she get to leave?” Crowley asked, his voice rising an octave.

“I never told you that you had to be here.” You told him, “You just insisted on being kept in the loop.”

“Oh. Well. In that case.” Crowley snapped his fingers and was gone.

You turned towards your brothers, “You can leave too. I never meant for you to be here in the first place.”

“Yeah, I’m not leaving you in the same room as him.” Dean said pointing towards Lucifer.

“Aw Dean suddenly wants to act like a big brother for you.” Lucifer mocked.

“Enough.” You said, silencing everyone in the room. “I prayed to you.” You told Lucifer, ignoring your brothers presence. Sam and Dean watched on confused, what was their little sister doing?

“You did. I just assumed it was some sort of trap, that’s why I never responded.” Lucifer told you, intrigued by your actions.

“Well it’s not. I’m willing to do my part if you are. I will let you in but you have to do what I asked.” You said, staring him down.

“Y/N, what the hell are you doing?” Sam asked, furious by you having such a calm conversation with Lucifer.

“You’re not a part of this Sam.” You glared at him, “Shut up or leave.”

Both of your brothers gave you shocked looks, you never spoke to them like that, you never acted the way you were.

“I promise to do my part if you fulfill yours.” Lucifer stated with a sickening grin.

Taking a shaky deep breath you let yourself feel the fear you had. Tears pricked at your eyes as you looked at your brothers, “I’m sorry guys.” You said as a tear fell, “Take care of Adam for me. Okay?”

“Y/N-What are you doing?” Dean asked in a defeated tone. You shook your head and faced Lucifer again. Taking a deep breath you made eye contact with Lucifer before saying,

“Yes.”


	5. Keep Calm

“Y/N?” Dean asked cautiously, touching your shoulder from where you were kneeling.

“Dean...” Sam said, with warning in his voice, he knew what it was like to be possessed by Lucifer, how it probably wasn’t you.

“I’d listen to Sammy if I were you Dean.” You spoke in a tone neither brother had heard come from you before. Dean slowly backed up and joined Sam near the table; facing you.

Lucifer stood up and rolled your shoulders while lightly swinging your neck, becoming accustomed to your body. “Well Sam, it’s not like yours but it’s definitely more cozy in here then the old dead rock star there. I can see this one working out for quite some time, it might not be the Campbell line like I need but, the Winchester bloodline does create a comfortable vessel.” Lucifer said with a smirk. Both brothers looked at Lucifer with disgust, neither knowing what to say. “Hold your thoughts boys, I’ll be right back.” He stated before disappearing.

“Dean...What the hell just happened?” Sam asked in a bewildered voice.

“What does it look like Sam?” Dean said angrily, “Our little sister just said yes to the devil and we just let him zap outta there.” Dean shoved a chair into the table in frustration, “Sam...I don’t even know where to start on this one. We can’t let him stay in Y/N, we can’t.”

“This is on us Dean. We didn’t help her find a way to get Adam out. We just let her leave. We should have found her, if we had found her we could have stopped this.” Sam spoke, running his hands through his hair, “What do we do?”

“I don’t know Sam!” Dean shouted in frustration. The brothers stared at each other for a few moments, neither knowing what to say when suddenly two bodies appeared in the library.

It was you and Adam.

Well, Lucifer and Adam.

“Adam?” Sam whispered.

“One prisoner from the cage of hell, coming right up.” Lucifer said, pushing Adam towards Dean who grabbed onto him, “That was fun.”

“Dean? Sam?” Adam asked, looking between his brothers, “What’s-What’s going on?” Adam turned and was facing you, “Y/N?” He questioned.

Adam went to move towards you but Dean held onto him, “That’s not Y/N right now.”

Adam looked at you very confused, observing how you were leaning against the doorway. Lucifer lifted his hand up and waved his fingers at Adam. Adam’s eyes widened, something in your body language screamed to Adam that this wasn’t you; you were his twin, he knew you like the back of his hand. There was one entity that carried themselves the way that you currently were, the devil he was trapped in hell with for decades.

“No.” Adam whispered as he realized who was in control of your body.

“Yes.” Lucifer replied with a smile, “And you’re welcome by the way. The last place I ever wanted to go back to was that cage...Worth it though. You’re also very welcome for the shiny wall in your head.” Lucifer told him while tapping his own skull. “It’s much better then the one Death put in Sammy here. Only archangels can take this one down. So you guys better not do anything to piss me off, or else.”

“What’s happening?” Adam asked, leaning on Dean more as he realized how weak he was after returning from hell.

“Your sister made a deal. A pretty sweet one at that.” Lucifer responded as he pushed himself off of the wall. “I pull you out the cage, let you two have a little moment, then I have my permanent vessel. She should work for a few decades before I run into any dilemmas. That is unless you wanna say the magic words Sammy.” Lucifer questioned, wiggling his eyebrows at Sam who quickly shook his head. “If you ever change your mind let me know and I’ll let little sister go. Now-” Lucifer clapped his hands together, “I’ll let you have your last ‘family moment’ and then I’ll be going.”

Lucifer closed his eyes and let out his breath, suddenly you stumbled forwards and looked around the room wide eyed. You had control of your body again; you knew you had to be quick to execute your plan and try to not give any warning signs to Lucifer who was examining everything in your head. You had to remain in control, even if it meant you had to fight him in your own head.

“Y/N?” Dean asked worriedly, he was still supporting Adam who had a look of shock on his face.

You looked over your body quickly before looking back at your brothers, “Yeah...It’s me.” You told them, “We gotta make this quick.” You said sadly as you quickly reached out for Adam and pulled him into a hug which he quickly reciprocated.

“What did you do?” Adam asked in a shaky voice.

“Don’t ask.” You responded as tears began to fall from your eyes, “I gotta take care of my little brother, right?”

“Shut up, you’re older by like two minutes.” Adam said as he squeezed you tighter.

“Still makes me older. “ You chuckled. Slowly you removed yourself from Adam’s embrace but he continued to hold onto your hand.

“You can’t leave me.” He whispered.

“Don’t worry,” You told him as you put your hand on his cheek, “Sam and Dean are going to take care of you. You’re gonna be fine.” You gave him a smile and turned your attention to Sam and Dean who were staring at you with sad eyes.

“Why’d you do it kid?” Dean asked in a defeated tone.

“Someone had to.” You stated, wiping a tear from your eye. You and Dean stared at each other for a moment before you dove into his arms and he gripped onto you tight.

“I’m so sorry Y/N.” Dean told you as his voice broke, giving away just how distraught he was by the situation.

“It’s okay De. It’s gonna be okay. I got this.” You let him know as you looked at him confidently as more tears fell from your eyes. Looking over at Sam he opened his arms as you gave Dean one final squeeze and fell into Sam.

“You don’t have to do this.” Sam whispered in your ear as he held you tight.

“Yes I do Sam.” You said to him sadly. “One more thing,” You stated, “There are letters for you all sitting right here.” Tapping the table next to where you were now standing.

You looked at each of your brothers one last time and you couldn’t help but let out a sob, “I love all of you,” You tearfully told your brothers, “And you aren’t going to like this, but you have to let this happen. Don’t do what I did. Just-I’ll find my way out again one day, but promise me you’ll take care of each other.”

All of your brothers nodded their heads; Sam and Dean were doing a fairly well job at hiding their distress. Their red eyes is all that gave away their emotions, however Adam had silent tears streaming down his face.

“Alright,” You said as you walked over to the table that Rowena had set up with supplies and ingredients to summon Lucifer. You closed your eyes and tried to collect yourself, if you screwed this up then Lucifer would be very, very angry and could take it out on your brothers.

You had to prepare yourself to take on the devil.

“Now Crowley.” You said loudly.

You felt Lucifer try to take control of your body again but you fought him as hard as you could. You knew the moment that Crowley had hit the sigil because Lucifer no longer fought for control, he was contained deep in your mind for a few minutes. The sigil that Kevin had shown you and Dean when Sam was being possessed by Gadreel worked.

Opening your eyes slowly you were met by the sight of three confused brothers and a worried Crowley.

“Did it work?” Crowley asked. You nodded your head and he clapped his hands together, “Excellent. Mother! Come here and do the spell!”

“What the hell is going on?” Dean asked as he approached you.

“Crowley, keep them away.” You said in a firm voice. Crowley moved his hand and all three of your brothers were pushed against a table in the library, unable to move. Rowena entered the room and quickly went to work mixing ingredients together.

“What the hell Y/N?” Dean stated angrily as he fought the invisible binds.

“I’m sorry you guys, I couldn’t tell you.” You said sadly as you rubbed your forehead, you felt Lucifer beginning to make this way to the front of your mind. In a few minutes he’d regain control.

“Y/N.” Sam said softly, “Tell us what’s happening.”

You looked at Sam as you felt yourself begin to break again, “We’re putting Lucifer back in the cage.” You told them.

“But Rowena couldn’t last time she tried.” Dean said in an annoyed tone.

“Yes lads, because I had to send him there. The lass will be walking into the cage and I’ll be shuttin’ it.” Rowena said as she put the final ingredient into the bowl.

The brothers all looked at you with wide eyes, however you couldn’t make eye contact with them.

“Y/N, you can’t!” Adam shouted at you. At the same time Sam was yelling at you while Dean continued to fight to get to you.

“It’s time lass.” Rowena stated as she lit the match.

You looked over at the witch and nodded your head, Rowena began the incantation. “Crowley, don’t let them get me out. Ever.” You said as you stared at your brothers for the last time, “I love you guys.” You closed your eyes as you saw the redheaded witch throw a match into the bowl.

The next thing you felt was heat as you opened your eyes which were already watering with tears out of fear.

“Oh you should not have done that.” You heard Lucifer say as he stepped out in his past vessel’s decaying body, “You definitely, should not have done that.”


	6. & Carry On

Dear Sammy,

I’m just gonna get straight to the point, that’s always how we always were, man that feels weird to talk about myself in past tense. Anyways, I know you’re not happy with what I did, but I had to do it and I hope one day you understand. I had to save Adam and putting Lucifer back in the box after we let him out was a plan that we just came about after talking to Rowena. I know what you’re thinking, ‘we could have thought of something different,’ but you’re gonna hurt yourself thinking that. So stop. Also, please don’t kill yourself trying to find a way to save me, you know there’s no way of doing it without possibly letting Lucifer out. Don’t make my sacrifice for nothing by letting him out. I also need to make sure you take care of Adam, he’s going to be so confused and lost, he doesn’t know what life is like without Mom or me, so please be the big brother that he needs. Don’t let him get dragged into this life, please. I’m telling him to go back to school. To have a life. To be normal. Make sure he does it. Watch over Dean too, him and I never got the chance to fix everything and I know he’s gonna beat himself up over it. He’s gonna be the usual Dean and blame himself, please don’t let him.

Okay, so I’m done telling you what to do, now it’s time for me to say goodbye. Sammy you are the best brother that I could ask for. When I lost my mom and Adam I was lost. I felt like an outsider with you and Dean when I first started following you guys, but you were quick to change it. You didn’t stop until you broke down my walls and got me to let you be the brother you wanted to be. I know I said some pretty terrible things to you when we talked in the motel that night, but try to forget everything I said. Please take care of yourself Sammy and don’t forget about me.

I love you Sammy,

Y/N

Sam took a deep breath as he read the letter you left him before going to the cage. He normally kept it in the shirt drawer of his bureau, taking it out every few days to remind himself that he wasn’t allowed to try to get you out of the cage. He read it so that he would respect your decision.

It had been three weeks since you went to the cage and not a day went by that he didn’t try to think of some way to get you out. Technically he wasn’t going against your wishes by thinking about how to get you out of the cage since he wasn’t acting on anything; mainly because he hadn’t thought of a way yet.

Leaning back against the headboard Sam closed his eyes. It had been a rough few weeks, after you went to the cage Dean shut down and after reading your letter Adam left. He promised Sam he’d keep and touch, something he didn’t expect his younger brother to follow through with, but so far Adam had called or texted every few days.

At this point Sam didn’t know what to do. Dean was a ticking bomb just waiting to go off. Adam ignored the topic of you all together. He was at a loss, normally when he felt stuck like this he would go talk to you.

Sam opened his tear filled eyes and let out a shuddering breath as he held your letter, “God, I wish you were here Y/N. I don’t know what we’re gonna do without you.”

Hey Ads,

I know you’re probably really confused right now, all I can say is that our lives got so complicated. Sam and Dean will explain everything to you, I’d end up writing a freaking novel if I wrote down everything that’s happened. Please give Sam and Dean a chance. I know that things between you and them was complicated, but just try, for me, cause trust me they are amazing brothers if you just give them a chance. They screw up a lot, but try not to take it personally. Dean is going to be the harder one to break down, but I’m hoping he’ll come around. He might have cold moments towards you, but stick around, he’ll eventually get his head outta his butt. Sam is another story, he won’t need time, he’ll be there from day one. Sometimes the amount that he cares will drive you crazy but just remember he’s doing it because he’s afraid of losing you. They both are.

Okay Adam, I know this is crappy of me, but as your older twin I have the right to tell you what to do. You aren’t going to get sucked into this life like I did. I freaking leaped into it. Don’t do it. You’re gonna want to, especially once you hear about everything that’s happened, but you can’t. Get out of this life. Go back to school. Become a doctor. Do something you said we’d do as kids. Please. I’m begging you here Ads.

Also, don’t feel guilty about me being in the cage. Don’t try to get me out. Just don’t forget about me. Do what I asked you to do. Go back to school, be a family with Sam and Dean. Don’t worry about me. I swear to god Adam if you don’t listen to me my twin senses will go off and I will find a way out of the cage to beat your ass.

I love you Adam, please take care of yourself and remember that I’m just doing my job as your big sister. Bye Ads, kick life in the ass.

Y/N/N

Adam rubbed his forehead as he held your letter with the other hand. He was sitting on the couch of his new apartment a few blocks away from the campus you and him attended college at a few years before. He was living there and working at a bar while he waited for the next semester to start.

He was doing what you asked.

Once you left he immediately began asking questions which caused Dean to storm out, however Sam sat with him for hours and answered anything he could; what happened to their mom, the apocalypse, how you got dragged into everything and anything about your life.

To say he was overwhelmed was an understatement.

When the discussion died down Sam said he would answer more questions the morning, stating that they both needed sleep. However the next morning Adam had grabbed the keys that were laying on your desk, found your car, and hit the road.

He did leave Sam and Dean a note explaining where he went, how he grabbed your phone, that he’d contact them, and surprisingly he kept his word. He’d call or text Sam every few days, keeping him up to date with what he was up to.

He got away like you told him to.

He was trying to figure out where he belonged in this world; a world without his twin.

“God Y/N/N I wish you were here.” He said as he wiped a tear from his cheek.

Hey there Dean-o,

I don’t really even know what to say cause I know no matter what I write you’re gonna guilt yourself, WHICH you shouldn’t be doing. I don’t think I’m even gonna try to tell you to not blame yourself because we both know you’ll do it anyways. Just try to not kill yourself with guilt, please, just do that for me.

I’m sorry for the way we left things, we are both just too alike sometimes. I hope you know any of the bad crap I said (or thought) about you was all just bull. You and Sam being my brothers is one of the best things that happened to me. You guys saved me when I just wanted to fall apart.

Now eventually you’re going to have to forgive me and let it go. You know why I did it. I couldn’t just leave Adam there and the opportunity to put Lucifer away, you wouldn’t pass that up and neither could I. Speaking of Adam, I need you to take care of him. Please. I’m begging you. I know that everything with you and him is complicated but please watch over him. I know I don’t have to tell you to watch over Sam, but please make sure he doesn’t kill himself trying to figure out how to get me out of the cage. I told him not to but we both know Sam.

Take care of yourself De. Take care of our brothers. Please don’t mark me on the list of people’s deaths that you blame yourself for, I made my own choice.

I love you Dean-o,

Y/N

Dean stared at the letter as tears filled his eyes; this was the first time since you left that he actually read the letter. After you left he locked himself in his room for a few days, only coming out for the necessities. It wasn’t until a week ago that he grabbed your letter from the table in the library, however he couldn’t bring himself to read it until now.

He couldn’t help but let out a watery chuckle at you telling him to not blame himself. About how you knew him so well. About how much he missed you and wished that you were.

“God dammit Y/N.” He said, angrily wiping the tears away from his face, “Why’d you have to do it? I could have fixed it. Why didn’t you let me fix it? Chuck, if you’re listening, please help man. We’ve never asked for much, just, save my sister. I don’t know if I can do this without her.”

Dean went to bed not long after reading your letter. He placed it next to his bed where he had a photo of you, him, and Sam. He was done throwing a pity party, tomorrow he was going to talk to Sam, find out where the hell Adam was, and figure out how to get you out of the cage without letting Lucifer free. He didn’t care if it was going to take years, he wasn’t going to focus on anything else until you were back in the bunker where you belonged.

“Hey Dean.” Chuck greeted Dean as he sat across from him in the coffee shop.

“What the hell?” Dean said as he looked around the shop, he was just in his room at the bunker asleep and now he was sitting in a random coffee place.

“Don’t worry, you’re just dreaming, it’s just easier to talk to you here then by going to the bunker.” Chuck replied, taking a sip of his drink.

“Uh-kay, so, what’s going on?” Dean asked.

“Just answering all the Winchester boy’s prayers.” Chuck stated, putting his drink back on the table.

“What do you mean by-” Dean started.

“Your phone’s gonna ring here in a minute so we gotta make this quick.” Chuck told Dean as he began to stand up, “You’re welcome, and thank you for everything you’ve done. I need you guys to keep it up, but, don’t forget about your family okay? Take some time with them, the monsters will be kept at bay for a few weeks and then you guys will have to head back out there. Got it? Good. See ya later Dean.”

Dean shot up in his bed, “What the hell was that?” He asked himself as he rubbed his head. Suddenly his phone began to ring, causing Dean to go on high alert.

He quickly grabbed his phone, not recognizing the number he hit answer and held it to his ear, “Hello?”

“Dean?”

“Y/N?”


End file.
